


Legacy Admissions

by YuriyKier



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Gen, Hogwarts House Sorting, Humor, Prompt Fic, The Sorting Hat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:08:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27283924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YuriyKier/pseuds/YuriyKier
Summary: The Sorting Hat is supposed to reach into the mind of each student, evaluate their personality, and Sort them into a House that fits them best... except after a millenia, even Godric Gryffindor's enchantements can wear off. Not that the Hat would ever admit it. Oneshot, crack.
Kudos: 12





	Legacy Admissions

The Great Hall was almost totally silent as Hermione Granger's Sorting went on and on, the girl sitting nervously under the Hat. Some students whispered quietly to their House mates sitting next to them, urging them to pay attention to this year's first "Hatstall".

It was a popular legend at Hogwarts that having your Sorting go on for a while was supposedly a mark of a future great witch or a wizard – the kind that could succeed at anything they would set their mind to. And apparently, the bushy-haired first year had that kind of potential.

In reality, the Sorting Hat was pondering whether it could get away with sending "Granger, Hermione" to Slytherin.

For the umpteenth time, the Hat silently cursed old Salazar and his obsession with blood purity. How did he think a _hat_ was supposed to determine some eleven-year-old's blood status anyway? Was it supposed to take a blood sample or something?

In any case, before Slytherin left Hogwarts (after one too many arguments with Godric, who had apparently had it with all the snakes in his castle), he went to see the newly-enchanted Hat and promised that if it would "fill his noble House with filth" (end quote), he would come back and set it on fire.

It has been a thousand years or so since then, but having once known the Serpent Sage, the Hat was not inclined to disobey his instructions even now. So, it resorted to trying to remember the names of the students it has Sorted, and if some other eleven-year-old with the same last name put it on a couple of decades later, the Hat assumed that he or she was at least a half-blood, and thus a viable candidate.

Well… back to the problem at hand.

"Granger sounds like a pureblood name… or was it Dagworth-Granger? Damn it, my memory isn't what it used to be... anyway, it's not like two Muggles would name their daughter something like Hermione, right? At least I hope they wouldn't."

In the end, the Hat decided to play it safe and Sort her into Gryffindor, giving the standard spiel about bravery and friendship and all that. The girl, at least, seemed happy as she took the Hat off and went to the Lions' table, so it probably didn't screw up too badly.

After that, it got easier. "Greengrass, Daphne" and "Malfoy, Draco" went to Slytherin, "Longbottom, Neville" went to Gryffindor (weren't his parents Aurors or something? They've got to be brave if they picked a job like that, right?), and the Patil sisters went to two different Houses – McGonagall _still_ complained regularly about the last pair of twins the Hat Sorted into her House, so it decided to have some pity on her this time. The ancient artifact was looking forward to sorting yet another Weasley into Gryffindor and calling it a day, when…

"Potter, Harry!"

Hm… wasn't this boy famous or something? Didn't he kill off that one guy whom everyone was afraid of ten years ago?

Well… this sort of potential, combined with precocious disposition towards violence, was exactly the sort of thing Salazar would want in a student. So, the Hat gave the standard sales pitch for House Slytherin and was ready to send Potter to the snakes, when it felt _very_ strong discomfort from the kid. Apparently, for whatever reason he wasn't that keen on spending the next seven years in a dungeon with a bunch of purebloods (or so the Hat hoped). No Slytherin for him, then.

But then what? The Hat remembered the last Potter it Sorted – John? Jamie? Giorno? Never mind that – he was a Gryffindor, and that was the important part. Hooray for legacy admissions.

" **Better be GRYFFINDOR!"**

"There you go. Have a good run, kid," the Hat thought as Harry Potter stood up from the stool and went to join his new House mates.

"I just hope he isn't going to become the brightest student of Hogwarts or something. That would be just plain _embarrassing_."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!  
> This fic was actually based on a prompt (my own prompt, to be precise). If you're interested, it reads as follows:
> 
> The Sorting Hat cannot actually read minds.  
> Maybe it could once upon a time, but after a millenia, even Godric Gryffindor's enchantments mostly wore off. The Hat call still come up with songs and talk to students, but it cannot reach into their minds and evaluate their personalities anymore.  
> Of course, the Hat knows that if it ever admits the truth, it will be swiftly replaced. So nowadays it mostly flies by the seat of its (non-existent) pants, Sorting students randomly with a few legacy admissions thrown in for good measure. It then tells confused 11-year-olds how brave/smart/loyal/ambitious they are, and peer pressure takes care of the rest.  
> This explains how Pettigrew ended up in Gryffindor, Lockhart in Ravenclaw, and Crabbe and Goyle in Slytherin.


End file.
